Well friends, it seems another month has passed without conceiving. 13 months down, bring on month 14. I've definitely had moments of sadness and grieving, but surprisingly, they have not been all consuming. I say surprisingly, but really I am not surprised, because I have felt enveloped in such great love and prayer since I started inviting YOU to join me in this story.
Oh you guys, Jesus is so good to me. I woke up so thankful that He gave me the strength to seek His face when I was hurting this past year, instead of turning away from Him in anger and confusion.
Something new that I have felt these last few days, is the assurance that one day, ONE DAY, we will have a baby to call our own. Whether that be a child I carry for 9 months, or are blessed to adopt, I believe we WILL have a child at the end of this all. That is a new belief for me, and Im not sure how long it will last before doubt enters in again, but for now I will cling to that belief.
I don't have much to say, other than sharing with you some more lyrics from the band
. These lyrics are my prayer and my heart.
Lord of the mountains and sea
You are treading a path set for me
God of the seasons and sky
You have always been holding my life
And Lord, You are the shepherd of my soul
So I lay down my plans, I give up my rights
And let You take control of this surrendered life
So I put my trust in the one
Who created the stars and the sun
You are eternally kind
Always faithful and endlessly wise
You comfort, You sustain
In shaking You remain
Unmoved and unafraid
Forever and always
You lead me by still waters
Lead me through the valleys
Lead me in Your wisdom
Shepherd of my soul
Through valleys of shadow and death I am not afraid
By my Father’s breath every star in the sky was made
And who can I fear when You’re standing right here by my side?
Always leading, protecting and guarding my left and my right
Father You make all things new
Great God of creation
Father You will always be my rock and salvation