Surgery and Looking Forward

First of all, I'd really like to thank everyone for their texts, messages and responses yesterday! 
It means a lot to have such a supportive community that is on our side and rooting for us :)

I've been having a lot of questions about the surgery and what comes next, so I thought I would explain more details here!

So to bring everyone up to date: 
Last time I wrote I had just had my first surgery, a diagnostic laparoscopy and HSG, where they told me both my fallopian tubes were completely blocked, and they thought I had a medium sized septum coming down from the top of my uterus. We were told IVF would be our only option to get pregnant. (IVF= In Vitro Fertilization. Minimum $15,000, very invasive, involved lots of needles and hormones)

Since then, I was referred to Heartland Fertility clinic where we met our new Dr! Dr. J! She is great and thorough and very good at explaining things to us. Dr. J wanted to do another HSG and an MRI, so see could see for her own eyes where the tubal blockages were, and get a better idea as to what we were dealing with. At this point, if everything was still the same (tubes blocked, medium septum), we were aiming to start IVF in September. 

About a month later, when I had my second HSG, she confirmed that my left tube was actually OPEN!!! WHAT! First good news EVER! She also confirmed that it looked like I had a complete septum going all the way down my uterus, basically splitting my uterus in half. She wasnt even able to access the right side of my uterus, because the septum was so long. 

Having such a long septum in my uterus is problematic for recurrent pregnancy loss, preterm labour etc. Interestingly enough, Dr J said the septum is not what is causing the infertility however, as I should have still been able to get pregnant already. So we would still have to remove the septum to make a pregnancy more viable in the future, but Dr J was very clear that were no guarantees of success with this surgery.

So an MRI and tonnes of blood work later... SURGERY DAY came yesterday! I had been waiting a while for this surgery, and my expectations were to get that sucker out of my uterus! But when I saw Dr J  before the surgery, she kept reminding me that it might not work. That was hard to hear. FORTUNATELY, I woke up a few hours later to have her tell me they got rid of the septum and I now have a normal "house"!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!
The biggest surprise, was that they found out I have TWO cervixes! This is extremely extremely rare. She couldn't tell me much more about this as I was still waking up from the anesthetic, but I'll know more on Aug 19. I have heard of women having two cervixes and two vaginas, or two cervixes and two uteruses, but I have one uterus, one vagina and two cervixes (sorry if this is TMI... this is just my life now, ha!) My first response when she told me that was "So I won't be able to conceive naturally then?" and she said "oh no, of course you still can!" So that's all I know. Of course I came home and googled it (shame on me), and I don't see it being a problem for conceiving, because both cervixes go to the same uterus. Ryan likes to say I now have a "open concept house with two entry doors" lol!
**If you know anyone with a similar situation, I'd love to know more about this! There is not a lot of information on on the internet about this rare mullerian abnormality!** 


So where do we go from here? Well I'll spend the next week or so resting and recovering, and then go to my post op with Dr J on Aug 19, where she will go over all this again with more information, and make a plan moving forward. Because we know my left tube is open (and I'm guessing my right tube is too!), Dr J recommended going straight to IUI, instead of IVF. (Remember, even though I have normal uterus now, chances are super super minimal we will be able to conceive on our own. The septum didn't cause infertility, so something else is wrong which they can't pin point. )

But IUI is way less invasive, and WAAAAY less expensive!! They basically control exactly when I ovulate, and take Ryan's swimmers and put them in exactly the right spot, at exactly the right time. The perfect blind date, as Dr J likes to say. 

At this point, this honestly seems too good to be true that IUI would actually work. Deep down I don't believe this will work, and we will have to IVF anyways in the end, and that its going to take years and countless tries and suck our bank account dry. I have been struggling with staying hopeful, and always thinking the worst is going to happen to me. My heart has become so tainted with disappointment and hurt, that I am struggling to trust God, because He no longer seems trustworthy. My perception of Gods character is covered with lies, I know that. It is my prayer for the last few weeks that I would see the true character of God again. That those false beliefs I have of Him would be washed away with His TRUE Character! I would love it if you would join me in prayer on this journey. Slowly my perception is changing, but I need help. 

"You, O God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit" Psalm 86

A fellow infertility blogger recently said "For us, infertility was about much more than having a baby. It was a means by which our loving Father birthed in our hearts a life-giving trust that is bigger than children. Indeed, this trust allows us to rest in His arms" I am not nearly there, to that place of trust, but it is my prayer!